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Mensa... Wrong First Impression |
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Wrong First Impression... All right, I admit I got a bit dolled up for my first meeting... nothing too fancy... casually dressed, but looking nice and - probably - not wearing something that would make me look old and frumpy! Vanity and insecurity working together to save me little ego, I imagine. I didn't want to attract attention, I wasn't looking for true love (or any other kind) that I was conscious of. But I was responding to everything I'd been taught and had learned throughout my life: as a female, my primary value was in being beautiful and feminine. I still really believed that these were the most important things I had to offer to the world and that as long as I was pretty and young with a good figure, people would like me. I made myself fairly presentable for my first Mensa meeting so I would make a good impression. According to my mother, I needed a college education not so that I could use my brains and have a fulfilling career, but so that I wouldn't have to go on welfare if I failed to attract a suitable mate. It's difficult to get beyond that kind of indoctrination; that didn't happen until I got older and had to face the fact that I was no longer beautiful and that the formerly hot body was now nothing more than not in bad shape for an old broad! I did make an impression at that first meeting. Anybody who has been around the big M for a while is evidently aware of the phenomenon: it's the 'fresh meat' syndrome. Every (male) head in the place followed me to my seat. I was flattered and certainly got the ego boost I needed. (Little did I know that the only requirement to attract all that attention was that one be female and still breathing!) But I was still hurting from the divorce, and needed - evidently - the reassurance that I was still attractive. I let it go to my head. I'll keep this short, because my first active association with Mensa was short... I know I missed meeting a lot of interesting and very nice people. I always ended up at monthly meetings sitting between two guys who had in common absolutely no interest in the program being presented other than waiting for it to be over so they could start drinking and partying, and hopefully take the first steps toward getting laid. It was, as I said, flattering at first but got very old, very fast. It finally reached the point where I dreaded going to any meetings, avoided the SIGs I formerly attended, and... finally... just dropped out. Between a period of extreme poverty (all right, so a limited budget that didn't allow for memberships in organizations such as Mensa) and absolutely no desire to find myself in the same situation again, I spent the price of admission on new software or a new book. I figure that I'm now old and wise enough to avoid the same pitfalls. And I definitely feel the need to get a life. Since graduating from college, I've been sort of isolated... cocooning... by choice, I suppose. Theatre and dance had always been a huge part of my life. Now, I've abandoned those important pastimes, and the kinds of relationships that go with them. Finding a new place to belong hasn't been easy. So... time to try Mensa and Intertel again. With a new attitude and a new hope that I'll find the intellectual stimulation I've missed, in a place where I can fit in comfortably with a whole new circle of acquaintances and maybe some new friends. I learned my lesson last time; I'll do my best to avoid people who are on the prowl and get to know some of the real Mensans. My first time out - dinner with the Can We Talk? SIG - was just right: good food in a quiet restaurant with 3 intelligent and interesting people. Can't wait for the RG! That's all, folks. Coming out of my cocoon, ready to rejoin the world... one way or another!
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